Hello everyone....I thought my first post should be a formal introduction for the blog. This is my first blog ever and I have to say, it's a bit strange for me. You have to understand that I'm the type of person who doesn't even keep a facebook page. Anyway, I thought that at this point in my life a blog would be quite helpful.
First, I think you need to know where I've been and where I am. Then we can talk about what you'll find here at lov3..
Well I think I turned out pretty alright, but I come from a pretty tough past (which we wont go into full detail here). There is no easy way to start for me, so I'm going to get it all out there as quick as possible. I was a victim of molestation for most of my childhood. This was done to me over a span of many years by many people, who had no idea about each other or that I had already been a victim. This made for a difficult childhood, which led to a confusing and lonely time during my teens. I was also raped twice at age 15 and 18, both time by guys I knew. All of this was hard for me to handle, despite all that I have been through I'm happy by nature. I have to say that for this reason the most damage was done to me by me over the past few years.
I was tired of being angry and scared. I decided that it was all behind me and that I would be happy and never think of those days again. This led to years of parties, days at the beach, and basically living like a rock star. Sounds like fun right. Well, sure it was fun as long as the moments lasted. All the people I knew were so jealous of my life of fun, drugs, and no responsibilities. The truth is that even through this I was not happy. I lied to myself and let the moments fill me for the time being. Nothing ever lasted and I was always chasing the next time I could give a smile.
I could have continued this way until it killed me, but as life would have it things slowly started to change. I was caught in situations that forced me to look at myself and generate change.
The first big marker was getting arrested (luckily it was a minor offense). While I was in the holding cell I met this lady that very well could have been me if I continued on this way. She was in her late 50's running around like a teenager getting caught up in all kinds of stuff and expecting her dad to save her. I didn't want to grow up to be her. I swore I would be different, but then it was tough making the change. I tried but struggled. I still did drugs occasionally and was even more unhappy because I was not sure how to change.
Then just a month after getting in trouble I was in a car accident (not my fault, not drug related) that left me pretty hurt. The pain I was in forced me to stay home. I ended up with lots of time to think. I started to see how all this time I had been "living" I was really just killing myself. I could see how I was not truly happy and that I had been running from my past the whole time. It was hard for me to realize that what I thought I had put behind me was actually chasing me. I was able to see that it was what drove me to live the life I had. This was just not acceptable to me. I continued to strive towards change. I wanted to become a better person and I wanted to be free. I started to examine myself and make some real changes. I started to let go of friends that would not offer anything good for my new life.
And then magic. One day while at the beach I met the guy that would change me forever. He was the first person to really see me. He thought so highly of me and he made me aware of things in me I never knew where there. Being around him made me want to be a better person. We are not together anymore, but I thank my lucky stars I met him. He made me realize that I had been selling myself short. He made me believe that I am beautiful, smart, amazing, and all the things that any person should feel. He taught me that this is my life and that all things are possible. I know now that the past can not mark the future if you don't let it. That is huge for someone like me. I don't have to run anymore. It was my past, it's over, and now it's time to make room for the future.
With this new strength I have convinced myself that I must go out and live. There are so many things that I wanted to do but always thought that I couldn't. I know now that I deserve any experience I choose in life, but I have to chase it.
That's what Lov3LifeEarthandSelf is about. I have always been a huge lover of nature and all things outdoors. I will be doing all sorts of things and will post about them here. If you have tried them and have advise to offer up, please feel free. Most of the stuff I have never even done at all. If uv never done any of the activities I'm into but wanted to try, maybe I can be of some encouragement.
The main point of this site is to encourage trying new things, promote healthy living, and raise environmental awareness by exposing the world as our playground. I'm not sure if the last part made sense but you'll see what I mean once we get started here.
Guess that's it. I'm super excited and scared about this blog thing....but here it goes. I'm about to hit publish post.....Can't wait to have someone read this, so it's not just me posting to my imaginary friends, lol..........
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