Tuesday, August 31, 2010
day 7 of 100
Honestly I didn't jot down anything for day 7. Bad L.i.L....I know. O.k let's see here, Day 7 was a Sunday. Im sure I had coffee, had a smoothie for breakfast, raw sushi for lunch, and I also know I had chili/lime kale chips. I have no idea what I had for snacks or dinner. Sorry..
day 6 of 100
Hi everyone.....I fell behind again, it seems as if it's becoming the trend here. Sorry I'll make a better effort. Well I totally slipped up on day 6. Here's the story. I'm pasting it from my confession to the other people on the 100 day challenge.......
So the cooked food that I did eat was super bad, it was fries from McDonalds. I was feeling pretty bad about some stuff going on here. Oh, well I can just tell you guys.
I have had this friend for over 5 yrs, but before we were friends we were bf & gf. After about 8 months I broke up with him. I had let a friend talk me into giving him a chance, he was nice and I thought he was pretty cool. As time went by I realized that even though I cared about him and I liked hanging out, I didn't want to be his gf and I didn't even have those kinds of feelings towards him. He took it pretty hard and I didn't see him for a long while. We ended up running into each other and we have been friends ever since. The whole time it was tough because he still had feelings for me and was still bitter about the break up. (he always denied both those things but would occasionally admit it) This would some how end up causing fights between us. I would get so frustrated that I would throw my hands in the air and say I can't be friends anymore. I hate conflict. He would make me feel bad saying that I didn't value our friendship. Then I would agree to be friends but we would have to try not to fight. Things went on this way for years. I let myself get caught in this cycle because when I was going through my self destruction era he was always there to save me. I was thankful to him because it was nice to know that there was some one I could trust to be there.
I finally had to stop this all on Saturday. For me arguing is tough. I have a lot of issues from my childhood and I'm just learning how to deal with my emotions. He would push me into these fights until I would get angry for me that is such a strong ugly feeling. Now that Im becoming more aware of myself because I stopped self medicating and I think because of raw food, I was able to see that this would most likely always be a toxic relationship. As much as I tried not to enter in conflict it was useless because the root of it all was his insecurities with me. There was nothing I could do to ease that as I couldn't see him like he wanted me to, I just didn't want to be his girlfriend.
This whole thing made me pretty sad for two reasons. 1) I did value his friendship and love. He was always the person I knew wasn't out to get me. With the exception of his opinion on other guys, he always wanted the best for me. 2) This left me with just 1 friend in the world, and she lives 4 hours away. With my brother away for school, this leaves me with no one. See all my friendships before were centered on parting and getting high. I had to let those people go. As I got sober I realized we had nothing else in common.....
All of this led me to McDonalld's. The reason I got into raw was because I wanted to become healthy and remove excess chemicals from my body. Since McD doesn't make the grade I had to ask myself why I wanted it. I realized that it was to comfort myself for what was going on. I decided to allow myself this. I drew the line at chicken selects, which is what I wanted. So all I got was the fries.
Ugh cleaning up your life can sometimes be drag, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Sorry to go on and on guys. Thanks to whoever made it this far down my post.
I have had this friend for over 5 yrs, but before we were friends we were bf & gf. After about 8 months I broke up with him. I had let a friend talk me into giving him a chance, he was nice and I thought he was pretty cool. As time went by I realized that even though I cared about him and I liked hanging out, I didn't want to be his gf and I didn't even have those kinds of feelings towards him. He took it pretty hard and I didn't see him for a long while. We ended up running into each other and we have been friends ever since. The whole time it was tough because he still had feelings for me and was still bitter about the break up. (he always denied both those things but would occasionally admit it) This would some how end up causing fights between us. I would get so frustrated that I would throw my hands in the air and say I can't be friends anymore. I hate conflict. He would make me feel bad saying that I didn't value our friendship. Then I would agree to be friends but we would have to try not to fight. Things went on this way for years. I let myself get caught in this cycle because when I was going through my self destruction era he was always there to save me. I was thankful to him because it was nice to know that there was some one I could trust to be there.
I finally had to stop this all on Saturday. For me arguing is tough. I have a lot of issues from my childhood and I'm just learning how to deal with my emotions. He would push me into these fights until I would get angry for me that is such a strong ugly feeling. Now that Im becoming more aware of myself because I stopped self medicating and I think because of raw food, I was able to see that this would most likely always be a toxic relationship. As much as I tried not to enter in conflict it was useless because the root of it all was his insecurities with me. There was nothing I could do to ease that as I couldn't see him like he wanted me to, I just didn't want to be his girlfriend.
This whole thing made me pretty sad for two reasons. 1) I did value his friendship and love. He was always the person I knew wasn't out to get me. With the exception of his opinion on other guys, he always wanted the best for me. 2) This left me with just 1 friend in the world, and she lives 4 hours away. With my brother away for school, this leaves me with no one. See all my friendships before were centered on parting and getting high. I had to let those people go. As I got sober I realized we had nothing else in common.....
All of this led me to McDonalld's. The reason I got into raw was because I wanted to become healthy and remove excess chemicals from my body. Since McD doesn't make the grade I had to ask myself why I wanted it. I realized that it was to comfort myself for what was going on. I decided to allow myself this. I drew the line at chicken selects, which is what I wanted. So all I got was the fries.
Ugh cleaning up your life can sometimes be drag, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Sorry to go on and on guys. Thanks to whoever made it this far down my post.
So here is my intake for the day 6:
AM Weight: 150.4
*coffee
*green smoothie: kale, carrot greens, beet greens, watermelon, grapes, goji berries, black plum, banana, & bee pollen
*raw pesto on carrot/zucchini pasta with marinated mushrooms and tomatoes in olive oil, sea salt, & pepper
*kiwi
*french fries
So as you can see I was involved in some emotional eating but even then I did it knowingly and moved on. I think it is important not beat ones self up on small things. That guilt can lead you right back eating the foods you were trying to avoid. That's something to keep in mind for anyone on any diet.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
day 5 of 100
Finally I'm all caught up..This is great because I still have some more reading to do, but this time for chem. That is by far my most challenging class this semester but so far it seems pretty cool. Just one week in and Iv already been able to make a connection. Ill elaborate.
About a month ago when I was researching the raw food diet I came across an article arguing for choosing organics over standard products. They gave many reasons like organics have been proven to contain more vitamins & minerals than non-organics, but they also talked about the use of pesticides and their effect on the environment. We wont get into the whole explanation here but as a supporting fact they stated that even polar bear cubs are being born with over 200 toxins that don't occur in their system naturally. I walked away with the feeling that we had been so careless in our use of chemicals for pesticides, war, transport, building, ect that we had contaminated the whole earth...even it's purest most remote locations. I thought that was pretty sad.
Then I was in chemistry class the other day and we were discussing matter (it's week 1) and particles....as an example the professor talked about pesticides. She explained how some of the chemical compounds in pesticides are very volatile. When the crop duster drops the pesticides it doesn't all make it to the ground. We end up with what is called the grasshopper effect. Some of the chemicals bounce off the crops then get carried up in the air and end up in other places. This can be spread over many miles this way and stay for many many many years, in an even slower process it can travel through the soil and into our water supply (but thats another story). So back to the polar bears, the chemicals that get carried up in the air can eventually end up all the way in the atmosphere. Once there the atmosphere begins to pull all the toxins towards its cooler regions. Particles and things caught up in the atmosphere travel rather quickly, it can take about 1 year and 1/2 for them to travel around the earth once in the atmosphere.
So now I understand that it is not that we are so contaminated that even these beautiful remote locations are full of toxic chemicals but that these regions by natural design are more susceptible to this kind of pollution. Once the chemicals are in the atmosphere above the polar regions (or anywhere really) they are released in the form of rain or as gases in the air. Now we can find polar bears, fish, and Inuit people with high traces of chemicals which are found in many of the products we use. It is sad because those most at risk are babies, both human and otherwise.
I'm not sure about you but I found the truth to be just as sad as when I didn't quite understand the facts. The difference is that I found it to be greatly disturbing. These people living in the remote locations are paying the price for our commodities. They have been exceptional stewards of their environment yet they are losing it because of a group of people who just don't get the gravity of the situation.
Ooops I went on forever and I haven't posted my food intake, here it is:
AM Weight: 153.0
* coffee
* strawberries
* grapes
* 2 bananas
* goji berries
* raw pesto on carrot and cabbage (pasta), flax seeds, olive oil, & broccoli, tomato, & mushrooms marinated in cold pressed olive oil, sea salt, fresh ground pepper
* tamarind with lemon juice and dehydrated chili powder
* small salad mixed greens, lemon juice, sea salt & fresh ground pepper
That's it...All caught up...yay!!!!!, now back to reading
oh I almost forgot, a friend found a super cheap dehydrator for me and I'm picking it up later. I'm super excited about that, lets see how well it works for the price.
About a month ago when I was researching the raw food diet I came across an article arguing for choosing organics over standard products. They gave many reasons like organics have been proven to contain more vitamins & minerals than non-organics, but they also talked about the use of pesticides and their effect on the environment. We wont get into the whole explanation here but as a supporting fact they stated that even polar bear cubs are being born with over 200 toxins that don't occur in their system naturally. I walked away with the feeling that we had been so careless in our use of chemicals for pesticides, war, transport, building, ect that we had contaminated the whole earth...even it's purest most remote locations. I thought that was pretty sad.
Then I was in chemistry class the other day and we were discussing matter (it's week 1) and particles....as an example the professor talked about pesticides. She explained how some of the chemical compounds in pesticides are very volatile. When the crop duster drops the pesticides it doesn't all make it to the ground. We end up with what is called the grasshopper effect. Some of the chemicals bounce off the crops then get carried up in the air and end up in other places. This can be spread over many miles this way and stay for many many many years, in an even slower process it can travel through the soil and into our water supply (but thats another story). So back to the polar bears, the chemicals that get carried up in the air can eventually end up all the way in the atmosphere. Once there the atmosphere begins to pull all the toxins towards its cooler regions. Particles and things caught up in the atmosphere travel rather quickly, it can take about 1 year and 1/2 for them to travel around the earth once in the atmosphere.
So now I understand that it is not that we are so contaminated that even these beautiful remote locations are full of toxic chemicals but that these regions by natural design are more susceptible to this kind of pollution. Once the chemicals are in the atmosphere above the polar regions (or anywhere really) they are released in the form of rain or as gases in the air. Now we can find polar bears, fish, and Inuit people with high traces of chemicals which are found in many of the products we use. It is sad because those most at risk are babies, both human and otherwise.
I'm not sure about you but I found the truth to be just as sad as when I didn't quite understand the facts. The difference is that I found it to be greatly disturbing. These people living in the remote locations are paying the price for our commodities. They have been exceptional stewards of their environment yet they are losing it because of a group of people who just don't get the gravity of the situation.
Ooops I went on forever and I haven't posted my food intake, here it is:
AM Weight: 153.0
* coffee
* strawberries
* grapes
* 2 bananas
* goji berries
* raw pesto on carrot and cabbage (pasta), flax seeds, olive oil, & broccoli, tomato, & mushrooms marinated in cold pressed olive oil, sea salt, fresh ground pepper
* tamarind with lemon juice and dehydrated chili powder
* small salad mixed greens, lemon juice, sea salt & fresh ground pepper
That's it...All caught up...yay!!!!!, now back to reading
oh I almost forgot, a friend found a super cheap dehydrator for me and I'm picking it up later. I'm super excited about that, lets see how well it works for the price.
day 4 of 100
I had a couple classes on Thursday, so I felt like I was running around all day. I finally got my appetite back, which was good....but I felt like a had a huge hole in my stomach all day. Well lets get right to it...Here's what I ate 8/26/2010
AM Weight: 151.4
* red (green smoothie): spinach, carrot with greens, beet slices, strawberries, grapes, watermelon, & 1celery stick
*coffee
*huge salad: spinach, mache blend, swiss chard, celery, broccoli, broccoli sprouts, pepita seeds, hemp seeds, sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, & lemon juice
*kiwi
*mango
*raw pesto, on carrot/squash (spaghetti), tomatoes & mushrooms marinated in cold pressed olive oil, sea salt and pepper
The sea salt that I use is very coarse, I prefer these big crystals over the fine salt because it allows me to really see how much salt I'm adding. You will see me include salt in many salads and other foods but my salt intake is very limited. I add a small amount to some meals and I think this allows my body to make better use of all the water I'm taking in.
AM Weight: 151.4
* red (green smoothie): spinach, carrot with greens, beet slices, strawberries, grapes, watermelon, & 1celery stick
*coffee
*huge salad: spinach, mache blend, swiss chard, celery, broccoli, broccoli sprouts, pepita seeds, hemp seeds, sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, & lemon juice
*kiwi
*mango
*raw pesto, on carrot/squash (spaghetti), tomatoes & mushrooms marinated in cold pressed olive oil, sea salt and pepper
The sea salt that I use is very coarse, I prefer these big crystals over the fine salt because it allows me to really see how much salt I'm adding. You will see me include salt in many salads and other foods but my salt intake is very limited. I add a small amount to some meals and I think this allows my body to make better use of all the water I'm taking in.
day 3 of 100
Wow, Iv been super tied up with tons of homework, seems like this semester we hit the ground running...So Im 3 post behind here..luckily my 1 follower is most forgiving, lol
At the start of the week I wasn't feeling to well and I was having very little appetite. This was the last of those days...
AM Weight: 153.6
*coffee
* (red) green smoothie: kale, beet, watermelon, strawberries, grapes, & banana
* (red) green smoothie: kale, carrot with greens, 2 kiwi fruits, strawberries, grapes, & watermelon
*raw sushi
That was it for Wednesday...Again I want to say that this is not enough food to live on. It was the most I could get myself to eat, as the days go you will notice that I eat much more than that..
Now it's time for me to do my conversion homework for environmental science lab...Ill post the other two days as soon as Im done with that...
At the start of the week I wasn't feeling to well and I was having very little appetite. This was the last of those days...
AM Weight: 153.6
*coffee
* (red) green smoothie: kale, beet, watermelon, strawberries, grapes, & banana
* (red) green smoothie: kale, carrot with greens, 2 kiwi fruits, strawberries, grapes, & watermelon
*raw sushi
That was it for Wednesday...Again I want to say that this is not enough food to live on. It was the most I could get myself to eat, as the days go you will notice that I eat much more than that..
Now it's time for me to do my conversion homework for environmental science lab...Ill post the other two days as soon as Im done with that...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
the simple things
I ran across this the other day. it's a drawing I made last summer. Really put a smile on my face. I'm not sure why I stopped drawing but I think it may be time to pick it up again. It is pretty relaxing for me. This was done with just some map colors and some free time. I used to take the map colors and a small pad everywhere I went......
Maybe I also need a change of scene...I am big into surfing and so most of my drawings are beach or surf related.....Think maybe, I should start collecting images for reference so its not always water and sand. O but how I love the ocean.....
day 2 of 100
O.k. so, my original intentions were to post each morning for the day before but with the semester just starting things have been a bit complicated. For now Im just going to focus on getting each day posted, later I can worry about doing it in a timely manor. Im sorry for anyone trying to follow this....I will get better....I promise
Here's what I had for day 2......I was still having some trouble getting food down, but I did the best I could. I do not suggest that anyone eat such a small amount while on raw or any other diet.....Normally I would have snacks in between & maybe another smoothie........
AM Weight: 154.0
* coffee
* (red) green smoothie: kale, beet slices, carrot with greens, banana, grapes, & strawberries
* huge salad: swiss chard, arugula, baby spinach, mache blend (mixed greens), jicama, tomatoes, avocado, raw pepita, raw sunflower seeds, raw hemp seeds, mushrooms, & broccoli sprouts
* cooked pinto beans and i mixed in some raw broccoli sprouts, tomato, avocado, & salsa
As you can see, I again strayed from all raw. I was caught with no food and the mix I made for dinner was the best I could do. I think this is a great opportunity to say that as far as I can see, It is much better to eat clean cooked "whole" foods, than miss out on nutrition for the sake of staying true to raw. Needless to say it is better to eat clean cooked "whole" foods than to eat SAD (standard american diet) foods.
If anyone out there is wondering what I mean by "whole", basically anything that is natural and not processed. Just think, no fast food, no tv dinners (not even the "health" ones), and for sure nothing in a can. We would all do a great service to ourselves if we could learn to eliminate processed foods and preservatives from our diets.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
day 1 of 100
So yesterday was day 1 of the 100 day raw foods challenge. I joined this challenge with some other folks at rawfoodtalk.com...The idea is to be 100% raw the entire time. Iv only been on the raw food diet for a month. Already I have lost 12 lbs....yay me!
I wont be doing 100 % for this challenge because Iv been drinking this coffee that believe it or not is good for you. Iv been doing great with it and I don't want to give it up just for giving into the dogma of raw. I do believe that eating mostly raw foods is good for your health, but if something is not raw and it's good for you....then why not......With that said....I do plan to go as close to 100% raw as possible for this challenge. This is going to run into the winter and that might become a bit harder then....Guess we'll see
As soon as I can there will be pic of me here to use for my before and after......
Here is what I ate: not as much as normal but Iv not been feeling too well
AM Weight: 153.6
*coffee
*watermelon, lime, and dehydrated chili powder ice pop (I made this myself, to help beat the Texas heat)
*(red) green smoothie: beet greens, kale, beet slices, banana, blueberries, raspberries, jicama, and mango
*raw sushi
*apple
*raisin bran (i was at a friends when i got super hungry all of a sudden and they had no fruits or veggies and i had to eat something......it's funny that i used to think this was healthy, now it's on my bad list...lol)
That was it....I know it doesn't seem like much, but I had to force it down, I was not hungry at all the entire day.
I wont be doing 100 % for this challenge because Iv been drinking this coffee that believe it or not is good for you. Iv been doing great with it and I don't want to give it up just for giving into the dogma of raw. I do believe that eating mostly raw foods is good for your health, but if something is not raw and it's good for you....then why not......With that said....I do plan to go as close to 100% raw as possible for this challenge. This is going to run into the winter and that might become a bit harder then....Guess we'll see
As soon as I can there will be pic of me here to use for my before and after......
Here is what I ate: not as much as normal but Iv not been feeling too well
AM Weight: 153.6
*coffee
*watermelon, lime, and dehydrated chili powder ice pop (I made this myself, to help beat the Texas heat)
*(red) green smoothie: beet greens, kale, beet slices, banana, blueberries, raspberries, jicama, and mango
*raw sushi
*apple
*raisin bran (i was at a friends when i got super hungry all of a sudden and they had no fruits or veggies and i had to eat something......it's funny that i used to think this was healthy, now it's on my bad list...lol)
That was it....I know it doesn't seem like much, but I had to force it down, I was not hungry at all the entire day.
RAW FOODS DIET
I started adding raw foods to my diet a month ago. I am not 100% raw, but this past month I have been eating between 50-95% raw foods every day. At some point during week 2 I told my mom, "I never knew how awful I felt until I felt better"..It is pretty quite sad that we are so used to feeling bloated and uncomfortable that we consider it normal.
Raw foods is not all or nothing.....If you feel like this might be too much for you, maybe consider adding more raw fruits and veggies to your diet everyday. I'm sure that your body will thank you for all the added enzymes, nutrients and minerals. There is tons of info on eating raw foods online. Here is some inspiration for you guys...many celebrities have begun to dabble in raw foods because on top of helping you feel better and full of energy it helps you to look and feel younger. A couple celebs on raw foods are Demi Moore and Jared Leto. See both hot and both seem to be untouched by time.
Give it a try...I just joined a group doing a 100 Days 100% raw challenge. Im not doing 100% just high raw, but thats ok. I'll be posting about it here, watch how this changes my body as we go.
p.s. here are some places i found information and support if you are interested in raw foods check it out....
rawfoodtalk.com
goneraw.com
rawfoodlife.com
rawfoodideas.com
Hello Everyone! Here's a bit of my background.
Hello everyone....I thought my first post should be a formal introduction for the blog. This is my first blog ever and I have to say, it's a bit strange for me. You have to understand that I'm the type of person who doesn't even keep a facebook page. Anyway, I thought that at this point in my life a blog would be quite helpful.
First, I think you need to know where I've been and where I am. Then we can talk about what you'll find here at lov3..
Well I think I turned out pretty alright, but I come from a pretty tough past (which we wont go into full detail here). There is no easy way to start for me, so I'm going to get it all out there as quick as possible. I was a victim of molestation for most of my childhood. This was done to me over a span of many years by many people, who had no idea about each other or that I had already been a victim. This made for a difficult childhood, which led to a confusing and lonely time during my teens. I was also raped twice at age 15 and 18, both time by guys I knew. All of this was hard for me to handle, despite all that I have been through I'm happy by nature. I have to say that for this reason the most damage was done to me by me over the past few years.
I was tired of being angry and scared. I decided that it was all behind me and that I would be happy and never think of those days again. This led to years of parties, days at the beach, and basically living like a rock star. Sounds like fun right. Well, sure it was fun as long as the moments lasted. All the people I knew were so jealous of my life of fun, drugs, and no responsibilities. The truth is that even through this I was not happy. I lied to myself and let the moments fill me for the time being. Nothing ever lasted and I was always chasing the next time I could give a smile.
I could have continued this way until it killed me, but as life would have it things slowly started to change. I was caught in situations that forced me to look at myself and generate change.
The first big marker was getting arrested (luckily it was a minor offense). While I was in the holding cell I met this lady that very well could have been me if I continued on this way. She was in her late 50's running around like a teenager getting caught up in all kinds of stuff and expecting her dad to save her. I didn't want to grow up to be her. I swore I would be different, but then it was tough making the change. I tried but struggled. I still did drugs occasionally and was even more unhappy because I was not sure how to change.
Then just a month after getting in trouble I was in a car accident (not my fault, not drug related) that left me pretty hurt. The pain I was in forced me to stay home. I ended up with lots of time to think. I started to see how all this time I had been "living" I was really just killing myself. I could see how I was not truly happy and that I had been running from my past the whole time. It was hard for me to realize that what I thought I had put behind me was actually chasing me. I was able to see that it was what drove me to live the life I had. This was just not acceptable to me. I continued to strive towards change. I wanted to become a better person and I wanted to be free. I started to examine myself and make some real changes. I started to let go of friends that would not offer anything good for my new life.
And then magic. One day while at the beach I met the guy that would change me forever. He was the first person to really see me. He thought so highly of me and he made me aware of things in me I never knew where there. Being around him made me want to be a better person. We are not together anymore, but I thank my lucky stars I met him. He made me realize that I had been selling myself short. He made me believe that I am beautiful, smart, amazing, and all the things that any person should feel. He taught me that this is my life and that all things are possible. I know now that the past can not mark the future if you don't let it. That is huge for someone like me. I don't have to run anymore. It was my past, it's over, and now it's time to make room for the future.
With this new strength I have convinced myself that I must go out and live. There are so many things that I wanted to do but always thought that I couldn't. I know now that I deserve any experience I choose in life, but I have to chase it.
That's what Lov3LifeEarthandSelf is about. I have always been a huge lover of nature and all things outdoors. I will be doing all sorts of things and will post about them here. If you have tried them and have advise to offer up, please feel free. Most of the stuff I have never even done at all. If uv never done any of the activities I'm into but wanted to try, maybe I can be of some encouragement.
The main point of this site is to encourage trying new things, promote healthy living, and raise environmental awareness by exposing the world as our playground. I'm not sure if the last part made sense but you'll see what I mean once we get started here.
Guess that's it. I'm super excited and scared about this blog thing....but here it goes. I'm about to hit publish post.....Can't wait to have someone read this, so it's not just me posting to my imaginary friends, lol..........
First, I think you need to know where I've been and where I am. Then we can talk about what you'll find here at lov3..
Well I think I turned out pretty alright, but I come from a pretty tough past (which we wont go into full detail here). There is no easy way to start for me, so I'm going to get it all out there as quick as possible. I was a victim of molestation for most of my childhood. This was done to me over a span of many years by many people, who had no idea about each other or that I had already been a victim. This made for a difficult childhood, which led to a confusing and lonely time during my teens. I was also raped twice at age 15 and 18, both time by guys I knew. All of this was hard for me to handle, despite all that I have been through I'm happy by nature. I have to say that for this reason the most damage was done to me by me over the past few years.
I was tired of being angry and scared. I decided that it was all behind me and that I would be happy and never think of those days again. This led to years of parties, days at the beach, and basically living like a rock star. Sounds like fun right. Well, sure it was fun as long as the moments lasted. All the people I knew were so jealous of my life of fun, drugs, and no responsibilities. The truth is that even through this I was not happy. I lied to myself and let the moments fill me for the time being. Nothing ever lasted and I was always chasing the next time I could give a smile.
I could have continued this way until it killed me, but as life would have it things slowly started to change. I was caught in situations that forced me to look at myself and generate change.
The first big marker was getting arrested (luckily it was a minor offense). While I was in the holding cell I met this lady that very well could have been me if I continued on this way. She was in her late 50's running around like a teenager getting caught up in all kinds of stuff and expecting her dad to save her. I didn't want to grow up to be her. I swore I would be different, but then it was tough making the change. I tried but struggled. I still did drugs occasionally and was even more unhappy because I was not sure how to change.
Then just a month after getting in trouble I was in a car accident (not my fault, not drug related) that left me pretty hurt. The pain I was in forced me to stay home. I ended up with lots of time to think. I started to see how all this time I had been "living" I was really just killing myself. I could see how I was not truly happy and that I had been running from my past the whole time. It was hard for me to realize that what I thought I had put behind me was actually chasing me. I was able to see that it was what drove me to live the life I had. This was just not acceptable to me. I continued to strive towards change. I wanted to become a better person and I wanted to be free. I started to examine myself and make some real changes. I started to let go of friends that would not offer anything good for my new life.
And then magic. One day while at the beach I met the guy that would change me forever. He was the first person to really see me. He thought so highly of me and he made me aware of things in me I never knew where there. Being around him made me want to be a better person. We are not together anymore, but I thank my lucky stars I met him. He made me realize that I had been selling myself short. He made me believe that I am beautiful, smart, amazing, and all the things that any person should feel. He taught me that this is my life and that all things are possible. I know now that the past can not mark the future if you don't let it. That is huge for someone like me. I don't have to run anymore. It was my past, it's over, and now it's time to make room for the future.
With this new strength I have convinced myself that I must go out and live. There are so many things that I wanted to do but always thought that I couldn't. I know now that I deserve any experience I choose in life, but I have to chase it.
That's what Lov3LifeEarthandSelf is about. I have always been a huge lover of nature and all things outdoors. I will be doing all sorts of things and will post about them here. If you have tried them and have advise to offer up, please feel free. Most of the stuff I have never even done at all. If uv never done any of the activities I'm into but wanted to try, maybe I can be of some encouragement.
The main point of this site is to encourage trying new things, promote healthy living, and raise environmental awareness by exposing the world as our playground. I'm not sure if the last part made sense but you'll see what I mean once we get started here.
Guess that's it. I'm super excited and scared about this blog thing....but here it goes. I'm about to hit publish post.....Can't wait to have someone read this, so it's not just me posting to my imaginary friends, lol..........
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